Hello fellow techies, you're here, because you do what I do when you get an error message. you google it. Who is killing the application? Is it Dr. Watson in the library with a Pipe (wrench)? Or perhaps Professor Update has come for his monthly visit that's even more unwelcome then your girlfriend's? Generally googling leads you to some user forum or blog that keys off the exact error message you had "unable to wax the trombone 374". (if you're a short attention millennial that just jumped to the error message and what comes after it... you missed out on the inter-monologue... return to home, do not pass go. Dead Pool guys, I'm expecting an email some day. I'm looking at you Ryan Reynolds.) If you're really unlucky, you get some "dreaded techy white paper" that just happens to use those words somewhere in the article and you have to read a bunch of crap before you realize you're barking up the wrong tree. I put the dreaded white paper in quotes, because most people dread reading them unless you're on the spectrum. If you do have asbergers, well.. what the hell are you doing reading this? You've already read the application error logs and found the problem. Isn't it time for your weekly re-re-degauzing of hard drives? You know those machines aren't 100% right? Sure you do.. so crack those cases open and get to tacoing some platters. Go on, you have a tendency for violence anyway, so let it out in a constructive way..
(is he gone? .. ok, let's continue)
where was I? Oh right.. the greasy trombone error message the poor application keeps getting side swiped with. (Ryan Renolds you have ruined my inter-monologue voice.. it's not even my own anymore.. it sounds like RR (I'm not writing your name out anymore.. it's too long. Come on, isn't it a known hollywood thing have a short name. Come on.. look at mine. Hollywood memorable name like Arnold Swartzene.. wait.. no.. I mean Sylvester Stallone,, ack! .. uhh.. Leonardo Decapri.. damnit.. this is not going my way.. Cher! ha! boom.. Prince.. maybe I was supposed to be in the music business. Jason Ice Hess... too many "S's". Jason T Hess. nah someone with say transvestite. hmm... Chris Pine! there it is.. Chris Pratt too!.. love you guys! Thanks for saving my article. Still love you though Ryan. I think I'm giving up on the techy part of this post. This stuff is just falling out of my sleep deprived head.. body.. maybe other parts (RR probably drops it out his butt hole). How is it that Dead Pool 1 and 2 are "trending" for years now? Well.."trending" according to the last flight I was on, but I'm not sure that Hong Kong airlines is a proper source for "trendiness". Is there really that many people with sleep deprived, caffeinated (we'll just say it was "Coke aCola".. still looking at you RR and DP writing staff), inner thoughts that ramble on like this?
ok I should wrap this up.. techies.. go check on Mr. Asbergers. Do NOT try to stop him if he has begun though. They do not do well with leaving things unfinished. I swear man.. I bet Isaac Newton knew a guy on the spectrum when he came up with the 1st law. (wait.. was newton on the spectrum?.. is that how we jump ahead evolutionarily?) If you think you're up to being an equal and opposite force to Mr Berger.. well have at it, but don't say I didn't warn you. Better bet, buy him a coke.. ask him to look at the missing trombone error message. He'll have it figured out in an hour. You can then take credit for the fix at the next staff meeting he skips out on (he doesn't care about credit and is really uncomfortable in t e staff meeting.. win win).
Jason Hess
(Thanks CP.. you da man... unless RR calls me and says he has a problem with you. this post has a pretty heavy gay vibe..(bro-mance even.. bro-mancing the stone!? how has that not been pitched in Hollywood yet? Will Farrell and that shake and bake guy? Dwayne Johnson and the 4'2" guy with a big mouth.. their into jungle movies lately..) but don't get the wrong idea.. I'd punch all of you in the dick just to smell one of Gal Gadot's farts.. (wait.. wonder woman.. how come Superman never got on that? I mean.. come on.. you're telling me he's perfecting happy holding back with Louis Lane!? Might as well tell a Klingon he can only bang humies now (man I really wen full nerd there.. ehh.. it happens..it's my blog, suck it)) no..I'm too old for fart sniffs... oh but Rucy Ru 2..,, man.... I bet she smells like jasmine... sure's it's racist, but I don't care.. it's been a long time since I smelled beautiful #pitchblack #vindieseil #callmeINeedaNewJob #andsleep
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